Life Lesson #3 - Care More Than You Think You Need to.

A long time draft.

As I lay here in bed thinking about my people, my friends, and my family, I wonder - What goes on? How can I possibly not know what goes on with those closest to me? Why can't I see what I do not know?

Emotions have flown in and out of me over the past month for reasons that are not allowed off the record and out of respect. I thought I almost lost you, for good.

Some time ago, you told me, confided in me and only me. How astonished and overwhelmed I was when you decided to tell this secret taking over your life. Something so small, so I thought, that turned into something that changed your whole life. A sliver of me feels that it has changed my life too. You left to sort things out and I, well I, sat around being terrified. Terrified of the future for you, terrified that you would no longer be in my future because you, well you, weren't okay. How did I not know you weren't okay? I look back in time and see all the signs. The signs that are now so obvious to me but at the time weren't. The signs that I could have, should have paid attention to and acted on but didn't. This is something that I feel responsible for. Not knowing, not understanding, not seeing what was going on with you.

The day you were coming back to us, I paced and paced and shook as my heart raced and my hands sweat. What were you going to say? How would things be different?

I knew. I knew the second you walked in the door, your eyes glossy and dark, that this was going to be hard. That the words were not going to come out easily and without emotional interruption.

It was hard for you and I saw that. It was hard for me to see you like that.

After that day, I realized something. I realized that I'm going to be better. A better friend, daughter, sister, student and a better person. I can't go back and change what happened and how you felt all of that time, but I, we, can go forward and make things better. Be happier. I will ask how you are, how your day was, how the book you're reading is, what you ate for lunch and anything and everything in between. I will ask if you're happy. I will check in on you. Sometimes it's hard to be there all the time, but I, will try. I will try because I love you endlessly.

The take away from this, is that you don't always really know everything that goes on with someone. You think you know, but you don't. Some people are quiet about things that bother them. People put up fronts, people fake it. Take the time to ask how someone is. They might need that interaction more than you think. Care about the people that you love more than you think you need to care for them. They will thank you.